I was ecstatic when I found out I was pregnant. I had wanted another child for years. I thought my boyfriend would be happy as we had talked of having children but in the future. So it was happening sooner than planned! Well, World War III slowly erupted and eventually our relationship could bear no more. We parted ways. Being a single mom already and having to go back on social assistance, I began seeing a gloomy outlook for the future. I had no education and just couldn’t see myself raising two kids on a waitress’s salary.
It took me awhile to accept that it was best if I placed this child for adoption. Finally I got up the courage to talk with someone. I talked with my best friend. She said she’d stand by me whatever I decided. Then I talked with my sister. She wasn’t happy but understood and would stand by my side. My parent, though, were a different story. This was their grandchild. How could I take that away from them? My mom didn’t want anything to do with the pregnancy or the baby because it would be too hard to say goodbye. Lastly I called Adoption Options and met with a social worker. She was very helpful and eventually I chose a family for my baby. We talked on the phone a few times and then I began to have doubts. Not about them but about adoption. I didn’t know if I could do it. I did a lot more thinking and realized it was the best thing I could do. I called the family again and we arranged to meet. I was very nervous as I waited for them but as they walked to the door I relaxed and felt excited to be meeting my child’s future parents. Once we sat down and began to visit, I knew just how perfect they were. After they left I knew that what I was doing was right. We continued to talk on the phone and had one more visit.
Soon it was time for me to have our baby. I wanted them at the birth and they were there. After the baby was born the nurses put him in my arms. I introduced him to his parents. They cried. I spent a lot of time creating a bond with him over the next two days. I read him the letter I had written for him; I fed him; I loved him. When it was time to go, the family brought me home and we said our goodbyes. We cried and held each other tight. Deep down we knew each other would be alright but it was still hard to let go. It would not be the last time we would see each other, but it would be my last time as a “parent”.
After the baby was born, by the way, my mom did come to see him and yes it was hard. I think she felt more comfortable and accepting of the situation once she met the baby and the family. My dad and I didn’t speak for months during my pregnancy but after I had the baby we began a new relationship. He now seems to respect me more than he had in the past. The adoptive family and I have developed a wonderful relationship and are all better people…all because of the adoption process and this little boy.
You are my joy
And also my sorrow.
You put a smile on my face
and bring tears to my eyes.
You’re my sweet dreams tonight
And my fitful sleep tomorrow.
You’re the love of my life
And the ache in my heart.
You’re the future I look forward to
And the past I’ll never forget.
I love you,
Far longer than forever.
Your birthmother, Sherri