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Awaiting and Meeting Ruby

I was open to adoption since deciding to be a single mama. Local domestic adoption wasn’t an option, and when I didn’t succeed with fertility treatments I was so excited to learn of Interntional newborn adoption options from the US.  I love the openness, that birth mothers get to choose who will parent their child, that everyone comes together, despite difficulty and loss, to love this child and forward move. I had a few very hard failures with two previous matches, but I trust in things going as they’re meant.  Ruby is amazing! She’s so incredible, she’s mine… and it helps everything up until now feel a little more in place.

Bravery Grace Gratitude.

After nearly 4 years waiting and 2 failed placements, Ruby was a stork drop. I got “the call” on a Sunday, flew Monday to Indy and picked up this precious little bundle Tuesday morning at 10am.  At 11am, I loaded her up in my rental car and didn’t fully believe I was allowed to just take her “home” to the hotel. I was. I did. and two months later we finalized in court!

I had worried that attachment would be hard.. that without the 9 month bond in utero, would this baby trust me and connect to me? Would I to her? Would I be too scared after failure matches to let myself believe she really will be my daughter? All those things were and are true… and although the history is true, the present and future are so golden! Ruby and I are in such a great routine. We had the gift of nearly 3 weeks just the two of us together in hotel life awaiting our travel permissions.  We learnt each other.  She taught me lots. We are bonded and it feels so safe and sacred.  I am hopeful for ongoing contact from her birth mother, and I will always be grateful.

I had two matches fail, after travel to the US to pickup baby following 4-6 months of communication and contact with the birth mothers – sharing photos, stories, dreams.  I was beyond floored and heartbroken, nevermind timing with covid and quarantines etc.  However,  choice is powerful.  I wanted the baby I was meant… and that includes space to accept when they weren’t.  I am so grateful to be on this side now, mothering! It wipes the slate – and in a literal instant the 4 wait and wonder and doubt – POP! She’s here. It happened. 

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