WHAT DOES OPEN ADOPTION MEAN?
Open adoption is adoption that brings birth and adoptive families together and recognizes how important they all are to each other and to the child. In an open adoption, birthparents who are considering adoption for their child choose the family they want to raise their child from our list of approved families. Each family undergoes a thorough process of screening, education and preparation for open adoption. They provide pictures, a "Dear BirthParent" letter, relevant background information, all of which are available to interested birthparents.
Birthparents have complete control in selecting a family. They may specify age, religion, lifestyle, number of children in the family, location or any other factors which are important to them. They usually wish to meet the family and are willing to exchange identifying information. Most often, plans are made for ongoing contact following the placement.
...A Lifelong Decision You Can Feel Good About.
The nature and frequency of the contact may vary greatly, depending upon the wishes of both the birthparents and the adoptive parents. Nearly everyone makes an agreement for the exchange of letters and pictures. Most families truly embrace the concept of open adoption and today we find that at least 50% of our families have agreements which include phone calls and visits.
"So . . . What exactly is an open adoption, anyways . . .?"
Well, gosh, are we ever glad you asked! Adoption has changed a lot over the years, and it might not be exactly like you've heard. We thought we would explain a few things, in case you're curious!
Our new daughter, Beth, joined our family through "open adoption". She will always know this. Open adoption is very special; something that we're honoured to be a part of; something that we know our child will be grateful for as she grows up and wants to understand "where she came from".
Open adoption means that through a licensed private agency an expectant mother chooses us to parent her child. It also means that we know who Beth's birthmother is, and she knows who we are. Not only have we met her, but we've had dinner, chatted on the phone, had her over to our house - we were even at the hospital when Beth was born! Another aspect of open adoption is the possibility of contact as the child grows up, between the birthmother, her family, the child, and the adoptive parents (that's us). Letters, pictures, and often visits are agreed to - every situation is a unique understanding between the parent and the birthmother.
Beth's birthmother is very, very special to us, in part because of the wonderful gift she has bestowed on us. Having met her, we can also tell you she is a fantastic, loving, caring individual! A terrific, outgoing, energetic young woman who made a difficult decision for her and her daughter - to have someone else parent her child. However, Beth's birthmother now needs some privacy while she gets on with her life so until and unless she decides she's ready to become more a part of our lives, we keep her identity and her background private to all except our daughter. Many people are surprised about the concept of open adoption, alarmed about the openness, maybe even concerned about the birthmother. Don't be concerned! Especially about the birthmother - really, she's not going to come and take back her child. That only happens in a TV miniseries! And don't be troubled by open adoption! Although we won't usually raise it in general conversation or go out of our way to identify our daughter as being adopted, we also won't be secretive about it. There are many ways that families get created and open adoption is one of them. Our child is no different than any other; like all children, she is a wondrous gift to us and to the world!
We're proud and excited to have been able to tell you about our new daughter and about open adoption. So thanks for asking!
Jane & Lorne
To read about Jane & Lorne's second arrival, click here.
June 17, 2001
Today we celebrated Father's Day with a family dinner, with Sheryl and Steve, Jill, and her friend Warren, Trevor and Kyler. Our dinner followed afternoon soccer games at two locations- Sheryl and Steve went to Kyler's- it rained and his team lost- we went to Trevor's, his team won with a mixture of sun, wind and cloud. A great day! What was significant was the Father's Day card that Kyler presented to Nigel- it says "Grandpa, loving, fun, giving, helpful, caring, friendly...and most of all, the coolest." This is the first formal acknowledgement of Kyler's biological relationship and I can not tell you what a wonderful moment this was. How can we thank you for making this possible? Perhaps the best thank you is to say what great friends we are with our grandson's adoptive family and the love and respect we share have sustained our friendship. Lots of "intact" families can't say that. Having an extended family is a life blessing - we are so grateful. I do not know if you and others at Adoption Options are thanked enough for the good work that you do - but we thank each of you. As birth grandparents, we feel truly blessed and we want you to know. Your guidance and good advice and insights over the years are very much appreciated, because it has helped to make today possible. Thank you.
With love, Elaine and Nigel.
Open adoption is adoption that brings birth and adoptive families together and recognizes how important they all are to each other and to the child. In an open adoption, birthparents who are considering adoption for their child choose the family they want to raise their child from our list of approved families. Each family undergoes a thorough process of screening, education and preparation for open adoption. They provide pictures, a "Dear BirthParent" letter, relevant background information, all of which are available to interested birthparents.
Birthparents have complete control in selecting a family. They may specify age, religion, lifestyle, number of children in the family, location or any other factors which are important to them. They usually wish to meet the family and are willing to exchange identifying information. Most often, plans are made for ongoing contact following the placement.
...A Lifelong Decision You Can Feel Good About.
The nature and frequency of the contact may vary greatly, depending upon the wishes of both the birthparents and the adoptive parents. Nearly everyone makes an agreement for the exchange of letters and pictures. Most families truly embrace the concept of open adoption and today we find that at least 50% of our families have agreements which include phone calls and visits.
"So . . . What exactly is an open adoption, anyways . . .?"
Well, gosh, are we ever glad you asked! Adoption has changed a lot over the years, and it might not be exactly like you've heard. We thought we would explain a few things, in case you're curious!
Our new daughter, Beth, joined our family through "open adoption". She will always know this. Open adoption is very special; something that we're honoured to be a part of; something that we know our child will be grateful for as she grows up and wants to understand "where she came from".
Open adoption means that through a licensed private agency an expectant mother chooses us to parent her child. It also means that we know who Beth's birthmother is, and she knows who we are. Not only have we met her, but we've had dinner, chatted on the phone, had her over to our house - we were even at the hospital when Beth was born! Another aspect of open adoption is the possibility of contact as the child grows up, between the birthmother, her family, the child, and the adoptive parents (that's us). Letters, pictures, and often visits are agreed to - every situation is a unique understanding between the parent and the birthmother.Beth's birthmother is very, very special to us, in part because of the wonderful gift she has bestowed on us. Having met her, we can also tell you she is a fantastic, loving, caring individual! A terrific, outgoing, energetic young woman who made a difficult decision for her and her daughter - to have someone else parent her child. However, Beth's birthmother now needs some privacy while she gets on with her life so until and unless she decides she's ready to become more a part of our lives, we keep her identity and her background private to all except our daughter. Many people are surprised about the concept of open adoption, alarmed about the openness, maybe even concerned about the birthmother. Don't be concerned! Especially about the birthmother - really, she's not going to come and take back her child. That only happens in a TV miniseries! And don't be troubled by open adoption! Although we won't usually raise it in general conversation or go out of our way to identify our daughter as being adopted, we also won't be secretive about it. There are many ways that families get created and open adoption is one of them. Our child is no different than any other; like all children, she is a wondrous gift to us and to the world!
We're proud and excited to have been able to tell you about our new daughter and about open adoption. So thanks for asking!
Jane & Lorne
To read about Jane & Lorne's second arrival, click here.
June 17, 2001
Today we celebrated Father's Day with a family dinner, with Sheryl and Steve, Jill, and her friend Warren, Trevor and Kyler. Our dinner followed afternoon soccer games at two locations- Sheryl and Steve went to Kyler's- it rained and his team lost- we went to Trevor's, his team won with a mixture of sun, wind and cloud. A great day! What was significant was the Father's Day card that Kyler presented to Nigel- it says "Grandpa, loving, fun, giving, helpful, caring, friendly...and most of all, the coolest." This is the first formal acknowledgement of Kyler's biological relationship and I can not tell you what a wonderful moment this was. How can we thank you for making this possible? Perhaps the best thank you is to say what great friends we are with our grandson's adoptive family and the love and respect we share have sustained our friendship. Lots of "intact" families can't say that. Having an extended family is a life blessing - we are so grateful. I do not know if you and others at Adoption Options are thanked enough for the good work that you do - but we thank each of you. As birth grandparents, we feel truly blessed and we want you to know. Your guidance and good advice and insights over the years are very much appreciated, because it has helped to make today possible. Thank you.
With love, Elaine and Nigel.