We are honoured to share stories of birthparents who have come to Adoption Options. These birthparents experienced unplanned pregnancies, and made the choice to place their child for adoption. They have graciously offered to share their stories so that others facing similar circumstances can learn more about the option of adoption.
Notes and Letters from Birthparents
Dear Adoption Options:
I wanted to extend my heartfelt gratitude to everyone at Adoption Options, as well as to anyone involved in Open Adoption. It is almost three years ago that I met Kevin and Leslie. From that day, their honesty and positivity gave me hope for Elizabeth. As fast as the years have slipped by, I feel that in other ways, I’ve known them for a lifetime.
I will never experience the kind of fear again as when I first realized I was pregnant. Although the only fair option for Libby was adoption, along with my choice came society’s horrors --- I must not want her; but maybe I’ll want her in a few years; I’m a bad person; her mom and dad will be bad people; and we’re all selfish! I thought just the opposite but it was difficult not to second guess myself even after pleading ignorance for those who had never been where I was. Happy to say we have not been approached yet for the movie of the week!
The most beautiful thing that I find about open adoption is that every person involved has a mutual devotion to one priceless individual. Kevin and Leslie reconfirm my decision every day. Elizabeth is a strong and confident little girl, taught to be by her mom and dad. They give her so much, things I couldn’t have, and instead of feeling loss or emptiness, they leave me in awe.
Kevin and Leslie are more open than I thought possible for any couple and I have an undying respect for them. Because of open adoption they touch my life every day, even if it is as simple as a thought. At one time in my life I could never imagine getting pregnant, then having to place my baby. Now I can’t imagine life without “my family”. I am often at a loss when speaking of them because love just doesn’t seem like a big enough word. They are three of my best friends and as Elizabeth grows, so will we.
In a time when I needed compassion and support Adoption Options was there. My social worker was with me every step of the way. I felt that I could go to her with any concerns or questions and when I finally did make a decision as to who I wanted to adopt my baby I felt assured I was making the right choice. Even now that my daughter is nearly a year and a half I know I can talk them about anything. I am so grateful for everything they have done.
I am writing you this letter as the birthmother of Kristina (whom I love dearly) to tell you how things have gone so far. First, I know every nagging question that is running through your head from “How am I going to do this?”, “Am I strong enough?” to “How do I choose?”
Let me tell you how I chose Ken and Barb!!! The social worker from Adoption Options gave me five families’ profiles. I read through them by myself because I really didn’t have a lot of support. I liked one couple but I really wasn’t sure. So she brought me five more families to read. And I really didn’t want to start reading because it semed impossible to find the perfect parents! I really did not know how to choose someone who would love her the way I would. Anyway, I grabbed the top one and started to read, and found I couldn’t put it down. The more I read the more I wanted to read. When I finally finished, I knew they were the ones. I didn’t read anymore as it would be pointless, when I knew beyond doubt. I showed my girlfriend and she even liked them which was the support I needed.
When I met them I was so nervous, I had knots in my stomach. I kept thinking what if they don’t like me. Then I would have to start over again. When I walked into their house, I felt so comfortable, like I belonged.
Since the adoption I have gotten to see her on several occasions with everything going well of course. I am amazed and surprised at my strength but Ken and Barb have held me together. They have become family in my heart and I in theirs. They are kind, caring, wonderful people who I love deeply. I am very thankful I found parents like them; in my eyes they are everything I could have asked for and more.
Sometimes I wonder who is the luckiest, me or them? Then I realize that it is Kristina who is the luckiest because she has so many people who love her.
Adoption Options is not only an amazing agency, they are like family to me. My social worker Erika was my guardian angel throughout the toughest parts of my journey. I look back on my experiences, and think about how hard it was. But I am the girl I am today because of the love and support I received from Adoption Options.
Hi! My name is Sherri and I placed my son for adoption.
I was ecstatic when I found out I was pregnant. I had wanted another child for years. I thought my boyfriend would be happy as we had talked of having children but in the future. So it was happening sooner than planned! Well, World War III slowly erupted and eventually our relationship could bear no more. We parted ways. Being a single mom already and having to go back on social assistance, I began seeing a gloomy outlook for the future. I had no education and just couldn’t see myself raising two kids on a waitress’s salary.
It took me awhile to accept that it was best if I placed this child for adoption. Finally I got up the courage to talk with someone. I talked with my best friend. She said she’d stand by me whatever I decided. Then I talked with my sister. She wasn’t happy but understood and would stand by my side. My parent, though, were a different story. This was their grandchild. How could I take that away from them? My mom didn’t want anything to do with the pregnancy or the baby because it would be too hard to say goodbye. Lastly I called Adoption Options and met with a social worker. She was very helpful and eventually I chose a family for my baby. We talked on the phone a few times and then I began to have doubts. Not about them but about adoption. I didn’t know if I could do it. I did a lot more thinking and realized it was the best thing I could do. I called the family again and we arranged to meet. I was very nervous as I waited for them but as they walked to the door I relaxed and felt excited to be meeting my child’s future parents. Once we sat down and began to visit, I knew just how perfect they were. After they left I knew that what I was doing was right. We continued to talk on the phone and had one more visit.
Soon it was time for me to have our baby. I wanted them at the birth and they were there. After the baby was born the nurses put him in my arms. I introduced him to his parents. They cried. I spent a lot of time creating a bond with him over the next two days. I read him the letter I had written for him; I fed him; I loved him. When it was time to go, the family brought me home and we said our goodbyes. We cried and held each other tight. Deep down we knew each other would be alright but it was still hard to let go. It would not be the last time we would see each other, but it would be my last time as a “parent”.
After the baby was born, by the way, my mom did come to see him and yes it was hard. I think she felt more comfortable and accepting of the situation once she met the baby and the family. My dad and I didn’t speak for months during my pregnancy but after I had the baby we began a new relationship. He now seems to respect me more than he had in the past. The adoptive family and I have developed a wonderful relationship and are all better people...all because of the adoption process and this little boy.
You are my joy
And also my sorrow.
You put a smile on my face
and bring tears to my eyes.
You’re my sweet dreams tonight
And my fitful sleep tomorrow.
You’re the love of my life
And the ache in my heart.
You’re the future I look forward to
And the past I’ll never forget.
I love you,
Far longer than forever.
Your birthmother, Sherri
As a child I was responsible, did excellent in school and was extremely athletic. When I was 14, my athletic dreams crumbled due to financial difficulties and I found myself without any goals or the friends that had surrounded me for years. Spending more time at home, I also came to the realization that my sister’s drug addiction had destroyed my family. My parents put all their energy into helping her and I was lost and all alone. I found someone who consoled me but found out that I was only temporary to them. However, things were different. I was no longer alone. I was pregnant.
In a time when I should have been so afraid, I was actually comforted because my life once again had a purpose. I loved my child more than words could describe but I knew that I had nothing to give him. My family was very clear they would not support us, so I reached out to Adoption Options.
It was through counselling here that I learned about open adoption, and the choices I had. With the help of a social worker, I built an adoption plan and explored the many ways I could be a part of my child’s life. I read letters and profiles of perspective adoptive parents for hours and hours but none of them felt right. When I got to the last letter, I knew I had found my child’s adoptive parents. “
It was the hardest and most painful thing I have ever done. But I know that without Adoption Options, my son would not have the opportunities he has today. His adoptive family is able to provide for him in ways that I could not. Knowing Liam is important to me because it validates that I made the right choice. Watching him grow and flourish gives me strength and makes me proud to be his birthmother. I know now that in an open adoption you do not lose a child but you gain a family.