Hearts of Adoption Options - Surviving Chaos Through Hope

Dominic IMG_6165.jpg

A friend and adoptive mom we met through AO asked us to speak at a Women’s Service at her church in December 2012. The theme for this pre-Christmas service was chaos and hope and at the time our son was just a year old and she thought our recent adoption story seemed to fit. Since we only had four minutes to speak, we decided to use a point-form format to summarize the 5 years previous to being placed with us. Perhaps this will be helpful to give hope to those in the adoption world going through their own chaos.

CHAOS:
In the past 5 years of Chaos, the universe gave to us:

  • One heartbreaking mismatch for a newborn baby girl
  •  Two job changes
  • Three loved ones with cancer and on-going treatments
  • Four years of waiting for THE CALL, uncertain if it will be tomorrow or years away
  •  FINALLY THE CALL came… five more weeks of waiting…  (Will she change her mind? Will we be heartbroken again?)
  •  She’s in labour – a six hour drive to Lloydminster
  •  Hit a deer just outside of Edmonton
  • Called a tow truck, car is not fit to drive, luckily we were not hurt
  •  Took a $500 taxi to Lloyd, arrived at 4 in the morning
  •  False alarm – NO BABY, drive home to Calgary in rental car
  •  Two more weeks of waiting
  • Water breaks – we’re on
  • 40 hours of waiting… labour finally induced
  • At 10:25pm on November 20, 2011 our little miracle Dominic arrives, almost 4 weeks premature
  •  4 AM-He’s airlifted to the NICU at the Royal Alexandra Hospital in Edmonton
  • We follow hours later in the daylight to avoid all animals
  •  While in the NICU we persevered through the 10 day waiting period when his birthmother could legally change her mind
  •  16 day stay in the NICU and waiting to finally take our boy home
  •  Figuring out how to be parents (still on-going)

HOPE:
How did we keep the hope?

  • Leaning heavily on each other and others - friends, family, colleagues, the agency, and finally a therapist
  • Wine for Ingrid, chocolate for Kelly
  • Trusting in the universe
  • Letting go of when, how, where, who
  •  Pharmaceutical intervention – sleeping pills (during the 10 day wait)
  •  Doing what we love – escaping to the mountains, golfing for Ingrid, gardening for Kelly, cooking together
  • Trying really hard to stay in the moment
  • Travelling – to distract and just get away from the waiting
  • Reminding each other that someone WILL choose US
  •  Looking for the positive and life lessons, rather than dwelling on the negative
  • Appreciating all the angels we met along the way – social workers, tow truck driver, taxi driver, nurses, volunteers
  • GRATITUDE-for our amazing family and friends, for Ronald MacDonald House and the NICU in Edmonton for helping us realize our situation could have been so much worse-Gratitude for AO and all the amazing people that have come into our lives through this experience

Sure, it was difficult AND we are so thankful we kept the hope. We have a beautiful, healthy boy and he is worth every chaotic second. Now that he’s a kindergartener the chaos and hope continues!

Kelly, Ingrid and Dominic